FREE ESSAY ON TIM O'BRIEN

TIM O'BRIEN

Tim O'Brien
The terms fear and courage played a major role in the life experience of Tim O'Brien.
Like most other young males who just graduated college, in 1968 after graduating from
Macalester College in St. Paul, Minnesota, he sought different opportunities in hopes of
becoming independent and gaining a career. Before these hopes of opportunity are
realized, however, he receives notice that he has been drafted to the Vietnam War. He
acknowledges the tragedies that may occur in war, and fears for his life. Generally
courage is a way of overcoming fear. However, in O'Brien's supreme perspective, he
reveals his extreme fear of courage. He finds himself in a moral emergency where he must
analyze his perception of courage in order to make such a critical decision (901). After
his analysis, he felt that as much as he feared loosing his life in war, he couldn't
reveal that reason for not wanting to go to war to avoid any type of humiliation. He
doubted his life if he pursued on with the process of war and therefore made excuses for
himself to stay out. Because O'Brien didn't accept the challenge to follow his heart, he
took the easy way out and went to war. His lack of courage forced him to live under the
circumstance of not believing in him and they're of continuing by facing the results of
his fear of war.
O'Brien compared his thoughts of fear and courage and believed that he had the potential
to be full of courage, but does not realize the effort he must contribute. He doesn't
realize that becoming independent is process he must go through in order to make a
difference and solve his problems. He doesn't want to attend war because he fears it,
what in the world can he do? Many can answer what they could do but O'Brien was in doubt
of what he could do for himself in order to be out of such of a dilemma. He writes
Courage, I seemed to think, comes to us in finite quantities, like an inheritance, and by
being frugal and stashing it away and letting it earn interest, we steadily increase our
moral capital in preparation for that day when the account must be drawn down (903). He
feels annoyed that either fortunate enough to be inherently courageous, or it is
impossible to attain. He considers himself to be unfortunate because he will never be
courageous, and therefore begins to fear courage itself. At least his mentality makes him
think he is incapable of obtaining any type of courageous stand. Why does he really think
this of himself? Could he just be mentally ill? It's a question that he probably asked
himself quite a few times. The reason for these type of feelings is simply because he has
showed never to have really taken a stand for himself in any case. Therefore he could not
handle the situation from experience. It was kind of a schizophrenia. A moral split. I
couldn't make up my mind (901). This quote shows that fear of him had a major impact in
his life. He could not stand by his beliefs and therefore chose to stand by someone
else's decision for him. O'Brien believed that either you stood by your conscience, or
you were a coward. Since he could not follow his conscience he was determined that he was
a coward.
Courage can be expressed through certain actions and beliefs. Tim hopes to shine through
like a light, or to be able to say and do what he feels rather than giving in to fear. He
feels that doing what the government wants is right because of their authority. Under no
circumstance does he see himself doing what he wants to do instead he falls into a place
of indecisiveness. O'Brien fails to peruse his idea of not attending war and seems to
become depressed. I understood that I would not do what I should do, I would not swim
away from my hometown and my country and my life. I would not be brave. That image of
myself as a man as a hero, as a man of conscience and courage, all that was a threadbare
pipedream(905). He then feels embarrassed because he doesn't want to attend war, the war
that at this time period is mandatory to be involved in. It is common that the teenagers
in this time attend war, and are criticized if they don't. He hoped for the courage to
face up to the embarrassment, which is his coward ness. He seems to have misinterpreted
following his feelings and instead followed what he feared.
O'Brien is confused and feels the need to get away from his fears. During this time he
considers going to Canada and beginning a new life. He wants to go somewhere where he
won't feel any type of pressures and be able to do what he wants. He feels that being in
America limits one's ability to do so many things, things of which he considers to be
freedom. So he considers the opportunity of moving to Canada and regrouping himself,
assuming it will help him in some way. He decides not to move, however, because of his
fear of losing the respect of family and friends. He felt they wouldn't respect him
because running away from the war would make him out to be a coward. Only because the
mentality at this time period really influenced people to go along with what everyone
else would do. The government had a strong hold of influence on people causing them to do
what the government thought was right. This became the reality and was practiced by most
while other were criticized for going against it. When Tim finally admits to his fear of
courage, he fails to do anything about it and is left with one option of giving in to
fear and going to war. He considers himself a coward for going to war, and not doing what
he feels is right. O'Brien didn't want to be in the war because he feared killing and
being killed. His beliefs against killing were as strong as he hoped for them to be. The
power of influence by the American Government caused the transition of his beliefs. This
meant he really felt a certain way but as a result followed the opposite belief of
favoring war. He didn't want to kill for unjustified reasons, yet that's exactly what he
ended up doing. "I survived, but it's not a happy ending. I was a coward. I went to the
war"(910). O'Brien speaks after participating in the war, and shares a feeling of regret
and humiliation. He regrets not standing up for his beliefs and feels more embarrassed
now for going but truly not wanting to go to war. He considers this his lack of courage
as his downfall in life, and thereafter his experience in the war he considers himself a
coward.
Complying with the draft was one of the most critical decisions of O'Brien's life.
Unfortunately, life became too difficult for him to stand up for what he believed in. He
caused more confusion for himself by fearing courage. His fear of courage resulted in his
decision to fight in the Vietnam War. O'Brien's experience in war caused him too see how
a mistake in life sure teaches him a lesson. His mistake of going to war was evidently an
experience that will haunt him for the rest of his life. He could only have learned from
his lack of confidence, as he lacked to fight for what he felt was right. He faced the
consequences off going against your own instincts and now can't say he would make a
similar mistake twice. He looks back at the time of war and considers his mistake to be
the cause of his coward ness. Because of this, he proved to be a coward after all, by not
following his heart.